Yesterday, I decided to take a lunch ride. Sure, I had more important things to do, but what the hell is the point of being a bike blogger if I don't get to ride a bike in the middle of a weekday every now and again? Trust me, I don't do it for the money.*
*[Yeah, sure, I've made hundreds of millions since starting this blog, but I can assure you I'm not happy about it.]
"So what should I do?," I asked the ceiling fan, who is my most trusted confidante. "Should I ride one of those bikes with the curved-type handlebars like they use in the Tour de France? Or should I ride one of those rugged all-terrain bicycles with the knobbly tires?"
The ceiling fan spun, mute and stupid. Dumb piece of shit.
"I know, I'll split the difference!"
So I put big fat tires on my travel bike and headed to the mountain bike trails:
I'm sorry to say I acquitted myself rather poorly, which I'm tempted to attribute to being overgeared and stuff like that, but the fact of the matter is that I suck.
Still, I had a very enjoyable time, because what's better than scampering around in the woods on a crisp autumn day? Also what's better than hitting every rock and root in the place because they're buried under like two feet of fallen leaves?
Anyway, while we're dorking out, let's look at some wet hot tire porn, because you know you want to:
Ooh, yeah, you like that, don't you?
And how about this tire clearance porn?
Yeah, those stays are so wide, willing, and accommodating--like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.
And here's the Obligatory Bottom Bracket Shot:
Sure, it's neither oversized nor beefy, but not everybody's into that, you know?
Of course, if you are, I'm happy to oblige:
Also, in my ongoing attempt to be the only bike blogger who actually uses stuff for a long time before writing about it, I'd like to mention this Rapha jacket I got at least five years ago:
As I mentioned recently, my Rapha pants have developed a bit of a scranus vent:
However, the Rapha jacket is still going strong after a considerable amount of use, and since I wore it yesterday I figured it was at least worth mentioning.
Of course, I have no idea the name of the jacket, or if they still make it, but there you go.
One thing I have not tried and was surprised to learn now exists is a "29er specific MTB saddle," for which I recently received a press release:
INTRODUCING THAR, FIZIK INNOVATIVE 29ER SPECIFIC MTB SADDLE
fi’zi:k are pleased to lauch an innovative new 29er-specific mountain bike saddle.
Here it is:
I like Fi'z::ii.><>''k saddles very much, even though they use too much random punctuation in their name, and even though they have that stupid "Spine Concept" crotchal spirit animal fit technique where the penis slithers out of the saddle:
I'm supposed to decide if my scranus is a bull, a snake, or a ferret or whatever before buying a goddamn seat?
Get the fuck outta here.
Anyway, I guess this is why I shouldn't be surprised they gave the 29er-specific saddle such a terrible name. Thar? Really? Who doesn't read the word "Thar" and then automatically add the words "she blows"?
Most of all though, I wondered what could possibly make a saddle "29er specific," but fortunately the press release had the answer:
The concept
Called the THAR, the new perch addresses a number of issues that riders and bike fitters were facing with big-wheeled mountain bikes. The changes in frame geometry needed to accommodate bigger wheels often result in shallower seat angles and longer top tubes, which tends to move the rider's weight further back relative to the wheelbase.
Unique features
The key design element of the THAR saddle is that the rails are 25mm longer than comparable saddles, with the extra length being added at the rear. This gives a usable rail length of 95mm and, because the rails are effectively offset more to the back, there's scope to move the saddle considerably further forward than most. Positioning the saddle further forward corrects the weight distribution on long 29er frames, improving climbing performance and enhancing front-wheel grip. The result is a well-balanced ride with no fighting to keep the front wheel on the ground on steep climbs, leaving the rider able to focus on pedaling.
Another unique feature is the shortened tail of the saddle; this gives improved clearance to the rear wheel if a dropper post is used. The height of a 29in rear wheel can limit how far the seat can be dropped, but the THAR’s shape fixes that.
Tunable comfort
The THAR also includes a choice of two Tuner Inserts. These easily-swapped Nylon spacers effectively change the amount of tension along the top of the saddle shell, allowing the rider to customize the flex in the saddle. With the Soft insert, the top of the saddle is able to flex a little more for extra comfort. Riders looking for a solid pedaling platform and who are willing to compromise on comfort can use the Hard insert.
After quite a few years of 29er riding I have never had a problem with positioning the saddle, but if you have and you've been scanning the horizons for a solution then "Thar she blows."
Yeah, that's right, I just did F''"i,,><>()zi':'{}k's homework for them for free.
Meanwhile, remember how there was this woman in Portland who got famous because she uses a bake-feets instead of a car? Well, her feets just got yoinked:
Emily Finch, a southeast Portland mom of six who doesn't drive a car, has had her beloved cargo bike stolen. Finch was the subject of a BikePortland profile in June 2012. The story turned Finch into something of a media sensation, as her story traveled all around the globe, landed her a spot on a daytime TV talk show in Los Angeles, and more.
Now, the bike that transformed her life in more ways than one is gone.
Finch parked the bike in the side yard of her home in Ladd's Addition last night. Unfortunately, she left the keys in the bike (it's a bakfiets that has a keyed-entry rear wheel lock) and it was gone when she went outside this morning.
Even worse though is that all the terminally smug BikePortland readers are leaving comments criticizing her for her mistake. You know what? You people have some freaking nerve--like you'd be able to hold onto your precious Speedvagens for more than fourteen hours in a real city. Plus, this woman has six goddamn kids! I'm surprised she kept the bike as long as she did. In fact, I'm amazed she manages to keep track of her children, let alone a bike. Try taking six kids to Target without losing at least two of them and then go back to BikePortland and leave your stupid comment.
Oh, right, I forgot. People in Portland don't go to Target. They go to Walnut Studios and get hand-tooled leather baby underpants.
Whatever. You people should be ashamed of yourself. I've been to Portland, and I've seen how you "lock" your bikes. Really, the only reason I didn't steal two or three myself is I didn't want to pay the airline's exorbitant bike fees to bring them home.
Speaking of real cities, the New York Times is gloating about the fact that after five months no Citi Bike riders have been killed:
Also, it seems to me that this isn't much of a milestone considering SUVs running over children on the sidewalk is a regular occurrence here, but it's still pretty funny to see how wrong people were:
John Pucher, a professor of urban planning and public policy at Rutgers University and a longtime cycling advocate, said last year that he expected “at least a doubling and possibly even a tripling in injuries and fatalities among cyclists and pedestrians during the first year.”
Though like a typical academic, Professor Pucher is still hoping people get hurt so that he'll ultimately be proven right, because that's what's most important:
Mr. Pucher said in an interview last week that while he regretted predicting a doubling or tripling in bike deaths, he would be “really surprised” if future data did not reveal at least a modest increase in injuries.
Putz.
And speaking of bike share, a reader tells me that Boulder's bike share is now sponsored by a condom company:
Sir Richard’s ads will be placed on the B-cycle bike’s handlebars next to cycling safety information (see photo below), connecting safe sex and safe cycling.
Cute, but why not just put a condom on the handlebars?
Now that's safety.
