Motherhood Mondays: Kids Need to Taste Danger

Have you read Hanna Rosin's Atlantic Magazine article The Overprotected Kid? Her story about growing up really opened my eyes...
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How to cut a child's hair

For the past three years, I cut Toby's hair myself. But I had no clue what I was doing! He would end up with shaggy hair and Dumb-and-Dumber bangs. Thankfully, this weekend, my friend Reagan, a hair stylist, agreed to teach me...Read More >

Ban the word "bossy"

We're about to put the boys to bed, but I wanted to post quickly: Have you seen the Ban Bossy campaign? Lean In and Girl Scouts have teamed up to encourage people to stop calling girls "bossy":

"When a little boy asserts himself, he's called a 'leader.' Yet when a little girl does the same, she risks being branded 'bossy.' Words like bossy send a message: don't raise your hand or speak up. By middle school, girls are less interested in leading than boys—a trend that continues into adulthood. Together we can encourage girls to lead."

It really struck a nerve with me. Growing up, I was always labeled "bossy," and, at 35 years old, I still feel that it's part of my identity. But it's good to be a leader, to be ambitious, to give direction, to have strong opinions and to speak up; and we should encourage girls to do so. As Beyoncé says, "I'm not bossy. I'm the boss."

Boss it up, ladies!

P.S. How to talk to little girls.

(Photo by Charles Gullung)

Amsterdam bikes

My friend Esther lives in Amsterdam, and she rides her kids around in a bakfiets, or cargo tricycle (what cute bare feet!)...
And when her daughter's class took a field trip to the park, the teachers rode the kids in giant bakfietsen. How cool is that? I'd love to try one with our boys this summer.

P.S. Bike rush hour, a subway slide and how Danish babies sleep outside.

American parents around the world?

Last summer, we featured a series about Motherhood Around the World...

We talked to mothers who were raising their children in Norway, Japan, Congo, Northern Ireland, Mexico, Abu Dhabi and India, and their observations were surprising and fascinating. It was a pleasure to learn about these cultures and get incredible tips and insights into parenting.

This spring, I would love to do another round of this series and feature more mothers around the world. We're looking for American or Canadian parents who are living abroad; and we're also looking for non-American parents who are living in the United States. Do you know anyone who fits either description? If so, we'd love to chat. Please email americanparentsabroad (at) gmail (dot) com. Thank you so much! xoxo

(Top photos of my parents with us in France)

Motherhood Mondays: Baby food...an epiphany!

When our first child, Toby, was little, we didn't know what to feed him. We didn't love baby-food jars, but we felt exhausted and overwhelmed by the idea of pureeing everything...so we basically just fed him 1,000 spoonfuls of store-bought hummus. Poor guy!

But with our second child, Anton, we're taking a different approach, and I feel so liberated! In her book Real Food for Mother and Baby, which I recently reread, Nina Planck talks about feeding her baby tons of foods—meat, poultry, fish, dairy, eggs, fruits and vegetables—right from the start. She gave him grated Parmesan mixed with olive oil. She stirred salsa into eggs. She added cinnamon to mashed banana. She gave him dark chocolate. She let him gnaw on lamb chops and chicken bones. She even gave him raw ground beef with olive oil and salt, and her favorite baby food was salmon roe! ("It's fun, like a bright orange pea," she wrote. "Your baby can pick it up, piece by sticky piece. When she bites down, it goes pop!")

We aren't nearly as ambitious—raw beef kind of freaks me out, and salmon roe is not cheap!—but I found her book very freeing. After seeing the laundry list of foods she was serving her son, I felt emboldened to give Anton at least some basic foods to try.

So, here's what eight-month-old Anton loves these days: dried mango slices (he ADORES these), apple slices, bananas, strawberries, pear, orange wedges, avocado, peas, green pepper slices, broccoli with garlic and lemon (he sucked on spears at a restaurant and was in heaven), soft chunks of cheddar cheese, yogurt, brown rice, hummus, pieces of grilled salmon, crusty bread to chew on, and long pieces of steak to suck on. He even liked sucking on half a lemon the other day! (Confession: I originally gave it to him just to see his pucker face:)

Also, when Toby was little, I really worried about choking. I remember hanging out at my friend Leigh's house, when she handed Toby a crust of bread. I watched him put one end into his mouth to chew on and almost had a heart attack. I tried to be cool—but lasted only two seconds before yanking it out of his mouth. "He might choke!" I told Leigh. But she reassured me by pointing out that babies have incredibly strong gag reflexes. And since then I've read more: "They may occasionally gag a bit or cough and splutter," the infant-feeding expert Gill Rapley, who co-authored The Baby-Led Weaning Cookbook, told the Guardian, "but that’s actually a baby’s way of triggering the anti-choking reflex, and it happens with purées too. The real risk comes if parents try to hurry...and put chunks of food in a baby’s mouth for him." Does this ring true to you guys? Sometimes I still get a little nervous, but I've been trying to trust in Anton's little system!
I'd love to hear: Which foods do or did you serve your baby? Anything they especially loved? I'd love to learn a few more delicious combinations—like adding butter, cheese or spices. What was your overall approach to starting solids? Did you ever try a baby-food maker? Thank you so much!! xoxo

P.S. French kids eat everything, and toddlers in the kitchen.

(Photo of Anton in his highchair, and illustration by Julia Rothman for Cup of Jo. Thanks, Julia!)

Motherhood Mondays: How to get your kids to talk at dinner

Our friends Jenny and Andy have figured out ways to get their two daughters talking (a lot!) during dinner. Here, Andy shares their five brilliant conversation starters...
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Conversations with a three-year-old

Have your little ones said anything funny recently? Three and a half is such a sweet age! Toby's imagination has ramped up so much, and half the time I swear he must see our living room filled with monsters, bears and bearded bus drivers. He cracks us up constantly with the nutty things that come out of his mouth. For example...

“Mama, who is in the living room?”
“Daddy and Anton.”
(Peeking out cautiously.) “Any bears?”

"What you reading, Mama?"
"The Goldfinch. Want to see a photo of the author?"
"Is it a bear?"

“O-tay."

"Chitten."

"Be fwy-ette."

We’ll play I Spy in taxis, but he doesn’t quite get how to give clues. He'll say: "I spy with my little eye...the door handle!" "Is it the door handle?" "Yes!" "I spy with my little eye...the driver!" "Is it the driver?" "Yes!” The game goes quickly:)

Toby has a bunch of alter egos. Whenever he pretends certain things, you have to call him by the corresponding name. Tom is a bus driver. John is a musician. Kevin is a boy with a babysitter. Sam is a chef. Dennis is a dancer. Booliballa is a librarian.

"Where are you going, Mama?"
"I'm meeting my friend to get my toes painted. What color should I get?"
"Blue."
"Light or dark blue?"
"Minivan blue." (No further explanation was provided.)

One morning, out of the blue: “Are you just a lady with lips?” “Yes.”

He asked our babysitter, "Are you married?"
"No."
"So you just like adventures?"

And he's starting to have crushes!
"Toby, did you nap at school today?"
"No, Mama."
"What did you do?"
"I just lie there and look at Gabby."
"Dennis" the dancer! :)

P.S. Toby in conversation as a two-year-old and a (younger) three-year-old. And I can't believe he was ever this little :)

(Top photos by Julia Robbs for Cup of Jo)

Two birthday revelations

This past Friday, Alex threw me a 35th birthday party. He invited friends over for wine and Prosecco, and we ate our weight in Trader Joe's appetizers. It was so much fun! And I also had two big revelations...
1. Do you have a scary age? I don't usually get nervous about birthdays, but turning 35 was throwing me for a loop. It just felt so adult, so official. Although I'm still figuring things out—work/life balance, how to stop worrying so much, how to layer eyeshadow—35 felt like an age where I should have it firmly together.

But then I got a birthday card in the mail from my mother-in-law, Joyce, who is turning 80 this summer. It was one of those lovely Hallmark cards with flowers on the front and a scripted poem inside. And on the bottom, she had written, "Happy Birthday, Joanna. 35. What a wonderful age."

And suddenly I felt really lucky and excited to be 35. Through Joyce's eyes, 35 seemed so young and full of adventure. It completely changed the way I had been thinking about the age—I realized that we're actually living "the good old days" and I should stop worrying and enjoy them. :)

What about you? How old are you? What's your scary age, if you have one?

2. Alex's other brilliant idea: The evening of the party, our kiddos spent the night with their beloved babysitter! We loaded them up with travel cribs and backpacks, and they were SO excited. The next morning, Anton got to chew on his very first bagel, while Toby and his sitter did yoga to soothing music...
Go, Tobes!

Meanwhile, Alex and I got to sleep WAY in and just hang out quietly that morning. It was surprisingly romantic and wonderful to have our apartment to ourselves—like it was before we had kids! It felt like a mini vacation for all of us. Thank you so much to Alex (and our sitter)!!!

Have you ever farmed your kids out to their babysitter's house for the night? :) Or a relative? Did they enjoy it? Thank you also for your sweet birthday notes!

P.S. Gold candles, and birthday cheese.

(Thanks to Jason for the photos)

Freezing toys for the bath

When your kiddos are going stir-crazy this winter, here's a tip for entertaining them: Freeze toys for the bath! It's ridiculously easy, and they LOVE it.

1. One evening, freeze an inch of water in a bowl/cup/take-out container in the freezer.
2. The next morning, add a few toys, plus another inch or two of water over them, and let that freeze.
3. That evening, just melt the edges a bit (run under warm water from the sink) and they will slide right out of the bowl. Give them to your child in the bath one at a time (draawwwiiiinnnnggg it out!).

What are your go-to indoor activities for kids? I'd love to hear!

P.S. Why Danish babies sleep outdoors.

(Photo by Alpha Smoot for Cup of Jo; styling by Kendra Smoot)

Nostalgia

How many children are you planning to have? We are probably going to stick with two, so little Anton is most likely our last baby. He's six months old, and watching him grow up is bittersweet. His milky smell, his round belly, his warm neck, his soft arms, his chunky thighs. I want to breathe him in, eat him up; motherhood is so tactile.
Sometimes I feel swept by a wave of nostalgic for these baby days, even as I'm experiencing them.
Anton, stay little, my little one!
Oh, my heart. So. In honor of all the soft and sweet children out there, we're giving away two $200 gift cards from The Honest Company, which makes safe, natural, non-toxic diapers, wipes, bath care and green cleaning products. Our family uses Honest for all our household cleaning, bath and baby needs, and I am so glad to have a brand we trust! (And how sweet are their winter patterned diapers with tiny axes?)
Plus, earlier this winter, Anton was fussy and Toby was cranky, and I finally realized it was simply because their skin was dry and itchy. (Forehead smack.) All that dry indoor heat was drying out their skin. So we now have a winter survival kit: lotion, body oil, healing balm; sensitive diapers and wipes, and an all-mighty humidifier. (Alex now has a Liz-Lemon-esque love of humidifiers and we have one in every room:)
For a chance to win, please visit The Honest Company and leave a comment below. Two winners will be chosen tomorrow at random. Thank you so much! Update: The two winners have been emailed. Thanks for playing.

Bonus for all readers: The Honest Company is offering free shipping with a minimum purchase of $25 with CUPOFJOFREESHIP for the next two weeks. For the first purchase only.

P.S. A winter challenge, and would you ever decide NOT to have kids?
P.P.S. Feeling nostalgic for Toby.

(Photos by our friend Julia Robbs for Cup of Jo. Thanks, Julia! This post is sponsored by The Honest Company, whose mission I adore. Thank you so much for supporting the sponsors that make Cup of Jo possible.)

Mama/kid sleepover!

This weekend, to help cheer up the cold winter, my friends Sharon, Kendra and I decided to have a mama/kid sleepover! We figured it would be like taking a trip together but without having to leave town.
So, one afternoon, we all piled into Kendra's house uptown (her husband was on a work trip). As we arrived armed with travel cribs, backpacks and rowdy kiddos, she joked, "This is either going to be the best idea we've ever had or a total disaster."
After playing and exploring the neighborhood, that evening we made pizzas. Kendra's awesome tip: Buy fresh dough from your local pizza place! Smart, right? It was easy, cheap and tasted great.
The kids each made mini pizzas with sauce and cheese...
And we made some for the mamas, including one with cheese and grilled red onions. Delicious.
(Eeks! Those cheeks!)
But the highlight was the Nintendo Wii dancing game that Sharon brought. Have you played it? You try to do the same moves as the dancers on screen, and the game somehow tracks you to see how well you do.
Nailed it.
Here are the kiddos rocking out. They did it for HOURS while the mamas talked and ate cookies in the kitchen (and sometimes peeked in).
The next morning we had bagels and bacon. It was so much fun; I can't believe we had never thought of it before! We could really relax and hang out without having to rush home for naps and bedtimes. The only catch is that we got approximately zero hours of sleep that night:) But it was worth it.

Would you do this? Do you already have grown-up sleepovers? Or travel with friends? I'm so into it!

What are your favorite books for little dudes?

Three-and-a-half-year-old Toby has a bunch of books, but he has read them all so many times that they're literally falling apart. So his #1 wish for Christmas (aside from a motorcycle and a sitar) is books. So I'm really curious: Which books do your children read over and over and over?

Toby's seven most beloved books are:
Knuffle Bunny Free (His all-time favorite; we have read it eight billion times)
Along a Long Road
Zin! Zin! Zin! A Violin
The Adventures of Taxi Dog
In the Town All Year 'Round
Brown Bear, Brown Bear (Toby STILL loves this board book after three years)
One Sunday Morning (Alex made this book come alive!)

These books came highly recommended by my friends with three-year-olds, so they're on our wishlist:
Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
Little Bear
Mr. Tiger Goes Wild
The Popcorn Book
Singing Away the Dark
Pancakes, Pancakes
Chicken Big
Richard Scarry's Best First Book Ever
Amelia Bedelia (Did you ever read these? I loved them when I was little)

What are your children's favorite books, and how old are your kids? I'd LOVE to hear....

P.S. Our 10 favorite books when Toby was one.

(Photo of Toby's bedroom by Ryan Liebe)

Motherhood Mondays: Life with two kids

Anton and Toby are interacting so much now! It's totally adorable. Toby has a trick where he says, "Shoulder ride!" really loudly and Anton will crack up with his husky throaty laugh. And they took their first bath together yesterday. Their growing relationship is so, so sweet to watch and makes my heart burst. So that is going well.

But although we're getting into a rhythm now that Anton is 4+ months, it's still pretty nuts. It ebbs and flows, right? Sometimes when we're hanging out with friends and Anton is happily wriggling around and Toby is cracking jokes, I'm like, we are total parenting geniuses! But then a few hours later, the little dudes are freaking out at home and I feel like a total mess.

Also, one of the less glamorous parts of having a baby: My hair is falling out, which, according to google, is because of dropping estrogen. Did you lose your hair four months after having a baby? In the picture above, my hair was still thick and glossy, but now I look like this:
Anyway, I'm curious to ask parents of two: When does it get easier with two kiddos? When did you generally get back on your feet? When I've casually asked friends with two kids, the most common answer has been "when the youngest child turns three." (WHAT!) Also, I'm curious: When did you think it got easier with one child? I remember feeling like myself again (thank goodness) once Toby turned one.

P.S. Always helpful to remember: Babies be babies.

Who do you look like?

When Anton was born, we were perplexed—he didn't look like anyone in our families. "Who does he look like?" asked all our friends. "No one," we said. "It's a mystery!"

But the other day, Alex and I were watching a Tigers vs. Red Sox baseball game, and I kept staring at the Tigers pitcher Max Scherzer. "He reminds me of someone," I told Alex. "But I can't figure out who." Alex was barely listening to me, since he was trying to focus on the game, but all of a sudden, he turned to me and said, "Oh my God, he looks just like Anton."

It was hilarious. And true.

Who do your kids look like? (You? Another relative? A celebrity?) Do you have a look-a-like?

P.S. Accidental twins, and complete strangers who look exactly like twins.

Motherhood Mondays: "I had a stillborn baby."

Kate Suddes lives in Portland with her husband Jimmy and daughter June. She gave birth to a stillborn baby boy named Paul a year ago today, and she was kind enough to share her moving story with us...
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Tell a friend: You are a good mama

I was working on a longer post for today, but things got chaotic, so I'll have to run it another day. But meanwhile my sister sent me this beautiful post about telling your friends—and even strangers—that they are good mothers. It made me realize that while I'm always admiring my friends' parenting styles, I rarely say that kind of thing out loud. And it means so much to hear, right?

So to all you mothers out there: You are a wonderful mama. :)

P.S. Six words to say to your child, and do your eyes light up when they walk into the room?

Kid & Coe: Vacation rental website for families

Kid & Coe is a brilliant new site that curates family-friendly vacation rentals—with cribs, toys, books, high chairs, everything you might need when traveling with little ones. You wouldn't have to tiptoe around worried that your child would mess up a fancy sofa or get into the bookcases, and your kiddo would have bunch of cool new toys to play with!

Here are three beautiful places, below...Read More >

Motherhood Mondays: Six words to say to your child

I read some parenting advice last week, and I can't stop thinking about it...Read More >