Whoa, this is nuts: Joe Sabia spent the last year and a half creating The Office Time Machine, in which he has organized all the cultural references in The Office by year. For example, above is 1995, and below is 2011...
Look up any year you'd like. It's so addicting!
P.S. How to tell a joke, and Seinfeld reruns.
(Via the always awesome Kottke)
Rabu, 26 Maret 2014
It's Only Wednesday If You Let It.
I've been living in a fantasy world. I'm a dupe, a mark, a sucker, a rube. Yesterday I mentioned that I chained my saddle to my bike to keep people from stealing it, but a savvy commenter informs me that I've fallen victim to the most insidious form of "hipster bullshit:"
Anonymous said...
Only hipsters believe in those bike chain seat leashes. A 2$ flathead screwdriver and one good torque = bye bye saddle&post and silly illusions. Ppl and their bullshit they believe
March 26, 2014 at 2:13 AM
I think my favorite thing about the Internet is that something as simple as putting a chain on your saddle can work people up into Ignatius P. Reilly levels of indignation and disgust. Hey, we all know there's no defense against an expertly-wielded screwdriver. In the right hands, a screwdriver is all it takes to steal a luxury automobile, hijack a commercial airliner, or become a prison kingpin. Still, which is the sillier illusion? That the chain is going to keep someone from stealing my saddle, or that someone would even want the filthy thing enough to bother? Here it is in all its worn, ass sweat-stained glory:
Perhaps I take too favorable a view of humanity, but I'm fairly confident that, between the sorry condition of this lump and the added inconvenience of having to pry open a chain to get it, 99.9% of the population is going to pass this by--though I admit that, together with the brand-name seatpost, it could present a temptation too difficult to resist:
Actually, you don't even need to undo the chain to get the seatpost. Technically. But yeah, I think it's enough to keep people honest, and if someone really wants this crappy frumunda perch that badly they can go ahead and take it. I've got boxes of this shit at home. (Though I'd be annoyed if they took the seatpost clamp too. That's crossing the line.)
As for the bit about "hipsters," if this is some sort of new hipster affectation that's news to me. I've never seen a "hipster" use the chain trick, and in fact I don't think there are even any hipsters left in New York. They all seem to have either graduated to full-fledged yuppies, or else they've been priced out by their peers and forced to move to other, less competitive cities. Meanwhile, I don't even know if they've come up with a name for the latest wave of young white transplant aspirants yet. They're definitely not the hipsters of ten years ago. I think they're "normcore" or something. Who even knows at this point? At any rate, I can assure you none of them are chaining their saddles to their bikes. In fact, I'm pretty sure the normcore set is into Halfbikes now:
Speaking of the Halfbike, a commenter on the post in which I mentioned it shared the following:
I actually forwarded that to the "inventors" of the Halfbike, and I have yet to receive a reply.
Speaking of emails, here's one I got just a few minutes ago:
Hello,
We are interested in advertising on your websites. We just launched a
new product called
No Bush Lotion. You can see it at
http://www.kingsupplements.com/nobush.html.
The product helps reduce the appearance of body hair and is marketed
towards athletes of all kind. If you would like to make more money with
your blog please contact me and we can work out a deal.
Intrigued, I followed the link, and thus entered the strange world of pubic hair minimizer cream for men:
I'll have you know that I have received no remuneration from No Bush. In fact, I haven't even replied to the email. Hey, I'm the kind of sucker who chains his saddle to his bike, right? Similarly, if it involves both cycling and pubes, you can be fairly sure I'm going to mention it for free.
By the way, No Bush Lotion was not tested on bunny rabbits, nor did any of the bunny rabbits it wasn't tested on develop any malignant tumors. (At least, I'm assuming that's the case, since it doesn't say otherwise on the No Bush website.) So you can stop with your spurious accusations.
As for what's actually in No Bush, I have no idea, but it would be pretty hilarious if it triggered positive results in doping tests:
Speaking of hairless pubic mounds, meet the Aeroclam!
My favorite is the part where the disembodied hands are gently working the clam:
Though I also liked the part where the same disembodied hands fumble with the droopy, frayed saddlebag:
Wow. That's a lot of crotch-fondling innuendo, even for a video made by New Zealanders.
Anyway, as a wise man once said, you can have a droopy, frayed bag, or you can have a smooth clam, but you can't have both.
And either way, be careful running your chain through it.
Anonymous said...
Only hipsters believe in those bike chain seat leashes. A 2$ flathead screwdriver and one good torque = bye bye saddle&post and silly illusions. Ppl and their bullshit they believe
March 26, 2014 at 2:13 AM
I think my favorite thing about the Internet is that something as simple as putting a chain on your saddle can work people up into Ignatius P. Reilly levels of indignation and disgust. Hey, we all know there's no defense against an expertly-wielded screwdriver. In the right hands, a screwdriver is all it takes to steal a luxury automobile, hijack a commercial airliner, or become a prison kingpin. Still, which is the sillier illusion? That the chain is going to keep someone from stealing my saddle, or that someone would even want the filthy thing enough to bother? Here it is in all its worn, ass sweat-stained glory:
(This is what backpacks do to saddle noses, and what a hot crotch does to leather and foam.)
Perhaps I take too favorable a view of humanity, but I'm fairly confident that, between the sorry condition of this lump and the added inconvenience of having to pry open a chain to get it, 99.9% of the population is going to pass this by--though I admit that, together with the brand-name seatpost, it could present a temptation too difficult to resist:
("Wait, is that a Nashbar seatpost? Fetch me the angle grinder!")
Actually, you don't even need to undo the chain to get the seatpost. Technically. But yeah, I think it's enough to keep people honest, and if someone really wants this crappy frumunda perch that badly they can go ahead and take it. I've got boxes of this shit at home. (Though I'd be annoyed if they took the seatpost clamp too. That's crossing the line.)
As for the bit about "hipsters," if this is some sort of new hipster affectation that's news to me. I've never seen a "hipster" use the chain trick, and in fact I don't think there are even any hipsters left in New York. They all seem to have either graduated to full-fledged yuppies, or else they've been priced out by their peers and forced to move to other, less competitive cities. Meanwhile, I don't even know if they've come up with a name for the latest wave of young white transplant aspirants yet. They're definitely not the hipsters of ten years ago. I think they're "normcore" or something. Who even knows at this point? At any rate, I can assure you none of them are chaining their saddles to their bikes. In fact, I'm pretty sure the normcore set is into Halfbikes now:
(Idiot.)
Speaking of the Halfbike, a commenter on the post in which I mentioned it shared the following:
I actually forwarded that to the "inventors" of the Halfbike, and I have yet to receive a reply.
Speaking of emails, here's one I got just a few minutes ago:
Hello,
We are interested in advertising on your websites. We just launched a
new product called
No Bush Lotion. You can see it at
http://www.kingsupplements.com/nobush.html.
The product helps reduce the appearance of body hair and is marketed
towards athletes of all kind. If you would like to make more money with
your blog please contact me and we can work out a deal.
Intrigued, I followed the link, and thus entered the strange world of pubic hair minimizer cream for men:
I'll have you know that I have received no remuneration from No Bush. In fact, I haven't even replied to the email. Hey, I'm the kind of sucker who chains his saddle to his bike, right? Similarly, if it involves both cycling and pubes, you can be fairly sure I'm going to mention it for free.
By the way, No Bush Lotion was not tested on bunny rabbits, nor did any of the bunny rabbits it wasn't tested on develop any malignant tumors. (At least, I'm assuming that's the case, since it doesn't say otherwise on the No Bush website.) So you can stop with your spurious accusations.
(What a bunny rabbit would look like if it was treated with No Bush, which it wasn't, at least as far as I know.)
As for what's actually in No Bush, I have no idea, but it would be pretty hilarious if it triggered positive results in doping tests:
("It was either tainted meat or my bush-zorching cream, take your pick.")
Speaking of hairless pubic mounds, meet the Aeroclam!
My favorite is the part where the disembodied hands are gently working the clam:
Though I also liked the part where the same disembodied hands fumble with the droopy, frayed saddlebag:
Wow. That's a lot of crotch-fondling innuendo, even for a video made by New Zealanders.
Anyway, as a wise man once said, you can have a droopy, frayed bag, or you can have a smooth clam, but you can't have both.
And either way, be careful running your chain through it.
Crustless Broccoli and Cheddar Quiche
I love quiche, but I rarely eat it because the crust can be such a gut bomb. But! Kathy Brennan and Caroline Campion, authors of the wonderful cookbook KEEPERS, have an amazing recipe for a crustless quiche. It's healthy and delicious. Here's how to make it...Read More >
Selasa, 25 Maret 2014
New York City apartment tour
My friend Yen, an architect, lives with her husband and two kids in a gorgeous apartment in downtown Manhattan. We went to their place for brunch last fall, and our eyes popped when we walked in. (How great is that rainbow bookcase?!) Here's a peek inside...Read More >
Design This: Cool People To The Rescue!
I got a press release, and if I got a press release you know it's important. Also, it involves both Portland and Levi's, so you know, like, holy shit. Here's what it said:
5 TEAMS. 5 CITIES. THE ULTIMATE URBAN UTILITY BIKE.
Announcing Oregon Manifest 14: The Bike Design Project. In our boldest configuration yet, we've partnered five high-level design firms with American bicycle craftsmen in collaborative teams - one in each of five cycling-centric cities - all competing to create the next urban bike. Working together from ideation through production, these teams are fiercely determined to develop their vision of the Ultimate Urban Utility Bike.
Once the five bike designs are revealed to the public on July 25 at a celebration event in each city, it will be YOU, our online audience, who chooses the winning bike!
We don't stop there. For the first time, the winning bike will move forward into production through our manufacturing partner, Fuji BIkes. The Oregon Manifest bike will be available and ready to ride in the city!
Learn more and meet our teams at oregonmanifest.com.
In other words, what they've done here is picked five "cool" cities and invited five "cool" bikey/designy cliques in each one to come up with a "cool" bike for riding to "cool" places within those cities in a great big Levi's marketing circle jerk.
As an aging parent who is currently obsessing over male osteoporosis, I can no longer distinguish among "cool" people or neighborhoods, and they all sort of ooze together in an indistinguishable, bearded mass. For example, here's the San Francisco team:
Or maybe it's the Portland team. I don't know. Or is it the New York team?
No, this is the New York team...or is it?
And if it is, who the hell are these people?
No, wait, I think those are the same people as in the first picture. There are so many caps and cropped, vaguely militaristic jackets that it's hard to tell.
Honestly, the only team I could identify right off the bat was the Seattle team:
Their bike will be a time machine that will take you straight back to 1992.
As for the quest to design the "Ultimate Urban Utility Bike," they're all wasting their time, because I built that a few weeks ago in my basement. It's called the "Son of Scat," and it is the culmination of a lifetime of cycling experience, from the BMX racing, to bike couriering, to the lofty reaches of mid-category Fred-dom:
In fact, the only one of their arbitrary criteria it doesn't fit is that it doesn't have a "Free-standing Under Load System," but those are for "woosies." (Just kidding, I badly need a center stand for my Big Dummy.)
Let's run through their cutesy little checklist and see how Son of Scat measures up:
Mandatory Features
Without exception, all entry bikes must possess the following useful features:
Anti-Theft System: System should prove to be secure and easy to use.
Yeah, I got that. It's called a U-lock (or three) and some "street smartz" (in graffiti font). Also, look at how the fucked-up saddle nobody would want anyway is chained to the frame with an actual bicycle chain through an old inner tube. Suck on that, "woosies."
Lighting System: System should aid rider vision and provide high visibility on the road.
Uh-huh, got that too. Thanks to Knog, I got more lumens than the lighting district. (Assuming the old lighting district hasn't been totally replaced by luxury condos, which it probably has.) By the way, if you need bike lights to see where you're going, you don't live in a real city, so in actuality any bike with such a "system" should be disqualified.
Load-Carrying System: Entries should be able to carry a variety of loads through a variety
of conditions. System should accommodate a typical user load, such as a bag of groceries, commuter or gym bag, etc.
Oh, my bike can take my load. I got a rack, I got bags, I got handlebars, and if there's really a lot of shit to carry, I've got a dental plan, because I'll carry a bag of takeout in my teeth like a golden retriever with a dead duck if I have to. I don't have a "gym bag" though, because gym bags are for "woosies." This is how I work out:*
*[Disclaimer: that is not how I work out.]
I bet John Joseph doesn't worry about male osteoporosis.
Free-standing Under Load System: Bike must free-stand under a variety of loads on a variety of surfaces.
Heh, heh. The bike has to stand up while taking a "variety of loads." [Insert your bukkake reference here.]
Fender System: Fender system must keep bike and rider clean.
I have a fender system. It's called "fenders." Amazing.
Road-tested: Bike should be road-ready and tested. The team-produced video should
include brief footage of the bike in motion on the road (including hills), carrying a load and in use during typical real-world scenarios.
Road-tested? I got your road-tested. That bike's been everywhere. It's been locked to every pole in New York. In a prior incarnation, it's even been raced at the SSCXWC in Portland. Lou Reed once borrowed it for four weeks. (That's a lie.) You think Fuji Bikes can market an "urban utility bike" with that kind of street cred? Because I don't--though this one came close:
It folds and it's a "collabo" with cigarettes. Actually, I bet if one of those teams submitted exactly that bike they'd walk away with the grand prize.
The point is, true city bikes aren't contrived by designsters. They're born of the parts bin and refined on the commute. Odds are the winning Oregon Manifest bike will be called The Gentrification Machine. It will have some sort of integrated lock you'd never want, custom racks that allow the rider to use the word "porteur" a lot, a fancy paint job, and a smartphone holder so you can run that app that alerts you when a landlord finally succeeds in harassing a rent-controlled tenant out of an apartment:
Then all you have to do is find a bike rack that's compatible with your integrated lock, park your "porteur," and fork over that $3,500 security deposit.
Speaking of gentrification, remember how David Byrne (who does not own a car) threatened to move out of New York City because the latest wave of rich people aren't cool enough? Well, now he's going to blow up the Internet with radioactive paintballs and start a new one:
So… imagine that a hypothetical group of disillusioned citizens obtains access to the same nodes – let's say it's an inside job by some building employees – but instead of tapping the nodes, as the NSA did, they break them. And to avoid any possibility of repair, they detonate a small timed radioactive paintball after they leave. No one gets hurt, but the radioactive splatter creates a no-go zone. As a result, no one can fix the fiber optics or even get near them for, let's say, 100 years. The city outside, and even the rest of the building, might remain safe, but don't go near that room on the 20th floor!
Hey, I'm just as creeped out by all this NSA spying as anybody, but David Byrne has more reason to be upset than most, since they carefully monitored him while he put together his most recent musical project:
Sorry, Dave, I had to do it:
I'm oddly fascinated with David Byrne since he's sort of the embodiment of "right message, wrong messenger." He doesn't own a car, but he can hire one whenever he wants. He thinks Manhattan sucks now, but he can sell his loft for a mint whenever he wants and move anyplace in the world. He's freaked out about being watched on the Internet, yet he has a blog and a strong online presence, which he totally doesn't need because his success predates all of that in the first place.
But yes, he makes important points--about cars, gentrification, and spying--though I'd be afraid to use David Byrne's new Surveillance-Free Internet, since it would probably be taken over by pedophiles in short order:
Sex offenders are why we can't have nice things.
Lastly, recently somebody Tweeted this at me:
Hey, whatever works.
5 TEAMS. 5 CITIES. THE ULTIMATE URBAN UTILITY BIKE.
Announcing Oregon Manifest 14: The Bike Design Project. In our boldest configuration yet, we've partnered five high-level design firms with American bicycle craftsmen in collaborative teams - one in each of five cycling-centric cities - all competing to create the next urban bike. Working together from ideation through production, these teams are fiercely determined to develop their vision of the Ultimate Urban Utility Bike.
Once the five bike designs are revealed to the public on July 25 at a celebration event in each city, it will be YOU, our online audience, who chooses the winning bike!
We don't stop there. For the first time, the winning bike will move forward into production through our manufacturing partner, Fuji BIkes. The Oregon Manifest bike will be available and ready to ride in the city!
Learn more and meet our teams at oregonmanifest.com.
In other words, what they've done here is picked five "cool" cities and invited five "cool" bikey/designy cliques in each one to come up with a "cool" bike for riding to "cool" places within those cities in a great big Levi's marketing circle jerk.
As an aging parent who is currently obsessing over male osteoporosis, I can no longer distinguish among "cool" people or neighborhoods, and they all sort of ooze together in an indistinguishable, bearded mass. For example, here's the San Francisco team:
Or maybe it's the Portland team. I don't know. Or is it the New York team?
No, this is the New York team...or is it?
And if it is, who the hell are these people?
Honestly, the only team I could identify right off the bat was the Seattle team:
Their bike will be a time machine that will take you straight back to 1992.
As for the quest to design the "Ultimate Urban Utility Bike," they're all wasting their time, because I built that a few weeks ago in my basement. It's called the "Son of Scat," and it is the culmination of a lifetime of cycling experience, from the BMX racing, to bike couriering, to the lofty reaches of mid-category Fred-dom:
In fact, the only one of their arbitrary criteria it doesn't fit is that it doesn't have a "Free-standing Under Load System," but those are for "woosies." (Just kidding, I badly need a center stand for my Big Dummy.)
Let's run through their cutesy little checklist and see how Son of Scat measures up:
Mandatory Features
Without exception, all entry bikes must possess the following useful features:
Anti-Theft System: System should prove to be secure and easy to use.
Yeah, I got that. It's called a U-lock (or three) and some "street smartz" (in graffiti font). Also, look at how the fucked-up saddle nobody would want anyway is chained to the frame with an actual bicycle chain through an old inner tube. Suck on that, "woosies."
Lighting System: System should aid rider vision and provide high visibility on the road.
Uh-huh, got that too. Thanks to Knog, I got more lumens than the lighting district. (Assuming the old lighting district hasn't been totally replaced by luxury condos, which it probably has.) By the way, if you need bike lights to see where you're going, you don't live in a real city, so in actuality any bike with such a "system" should be disqualified.
Load-Carrying System: Entries should be able to carry a variety of loads through a variety
of conditions. System should accommodate a typical user load, such as a bag of groceries, commuter or gym bag, etc.
Oh, my bike can take my load. I got a rack, I got bags, I got handlebars, and if there's really a lot of shit to carry, I've got a dental plan, because I'll carry a bag of takeout in my teeth like a golden retriever with a dead duck if I have to. I don't have a "gym bag" though, because gym bags are for "woosies." This is how I work out:*
*[Disclaimer: that is not how I work out.]
I bet John Joseph doesn't worry about male osteoporosis.
Free-standing Under Load System: Bike must free-stand under a variety of loads on a variety of surfaces.
Heh, heh. The bike has to stand up while taking a "variety of loads." [Insert your bukkake reference here.]
Fender System: Fender system must keep bike and rider clean.
I have a fender system. It's called "fenders." Amazing.
Road-tested: Bike should be road-ready and tested. The team-produced video should
include brief footage of the bike in motion on the road (including hills), carrying a load and in use during typical real-world scenarios.
Road-tested? I got your road-tested. That bike's been everywhere. It's been locked to every pole in New York. In a prior incarnation, it's even been raced at the SSCXWC in Portland. Lou Reed once borrowed it for four weeks. (That's a lie.) You think Fuji Bikes can market an "urban utility bike" with that kind of street cred? Because I don't--though this one came close:
It folds and it's a "collabo" with cigarettes. Actually, I bet if one of those teams submitted exactly that bike they'd walk away with the grand prize.
The point is, true city bikes aren't contrived by designsters. They're born of the parts bin and refined on the commute. Odds are the winning Oregon Manifest bike will be called The Gentrification Machine. It will have some sort of integrated lock you'd never want, custom racks that allow the rider to use the word "porteur" a lot, a fancy paint job, and a smartphone holder so you can run that app that alerts you when a landlord finally succeeds in harassing a rent-controlled tenant out of an apartment:
Then all you have to do is find a bike rack that's compatible with your integrated lock, park your "porteur," and fork over that $3,500 security deposit.
Speaking of gentrification, remember how David Byrne (who does not own a car) threatened to move out of New York City because the latest wave of rich people aren't cool enough? Well, now he's going to blow up the Internet with radioactive paintballs and start a new one:
So… imagine that a hypothetical group of disillusioned citizens obtains access to the same nodes – let's say it's an inside job by some building employees – but instead of tapping the nodes, as the NSA did, they break them. And to avoid any possibility of repair, they detonate a small timed radioactive paintball after they leave. No one gets hurt, but the radioactive splatter creates a no-go zone. As a result, no one can fix the fiber optics or even get near them for, let's say, 100 years. The city outside, and even the rest of the building, might remain safe, but don't go near that room on the 20th floor!
Hey, I'm just as creeped out by all this NSA spying as anybody, but David Byrne has more reason to be upset than most, since they carefully monitored him while he put together his most recent musical project:
Sorry, Dave, I had to do it:
("Not fucking funny.")
I'm oddly fascinated with David Byrne since he's sort of the embodiment of "right message, wrong messenger." He doesn't own a car, but he can hire one whenever he wants. He thinks Manhattan sucks now, but he can sell his loft for a mint whenever he wants and move anyplace in the world. He's freaked out about being watched on the Internet, yet he has a blog and a strong online presence, which he totally doesn't need because his success predates all of that in the first place.
But yes, he makes important points--about cars, gentrification, and spying--though I'd be afraid to use David Byrne's new Surveillance-Free Internet, since it would probably be taken over by pedophiles in short order:
("Again, not fucking funny.")
Sex offenders are why we can't have nice things.
Lastly, recently somebody Tweeted this at me:
@bikesnobnyc I feel I need to bring this http://t.co/VcgnboJtAG to your attention
— Giles Dring (@gilesdring) March 23, 2014
How to draw freckles
I'm really excited to announce a new series of beauty tutorials, where we'll be playing around with makeup. (Let us know if there's anything in particular you'd like to see!) First up is a playful idea: We wanted to draw freckles on rosy cheeks, as if we had spent the day at the beach or on a picnic with friends, instead of stuck inside on a winter day! My friend Shoko Wanger and makeup artist Ashlee Glazer busted out an eyebrow pencil, and the amazing Jamie Beck took photos. Here's the before-and-after...Read More >
Senin, 24 Maret 2014
Motherhood Mondays: Kids Need to Taste Danger
Have you read Hanna Rosin's Atlantic Magazine article The Overprotected Kid? Her story about growing up really opened my eyes...Read More >
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