Whoa, this is nuts: Joe Sabia spent the last year and a half creating The Office Time Machine, in which he has organized all the cultural references in The Office by year. For example, above is 1995, and below is 2011...
Look up any year you'd like. It's so addicting!
P.S. How to tell a joke, and Seinfeld reruns.
(Via the always awesome Kottke)
Rabu, 26 Maret 2014
It's Only Wednesday If You Let It.
I've been living in a fantasy world. I'm a dupe, a mark, a sucker, a rube. Yesterday I mentioned that I chained my saddle to my bike to keep people from stealing it, but a savvy commenter informs me that I've fallen victim to the most insidious form of "hipster bullshit:"
Anonymous said...
Only hipsters believe in those bike chain seat leashes. A 2$ flathead screwdriver and one good torque = bye bye saddle&post and silly illusions. Ppl and their bullshit they believe
March 26, 2014 at 2:13 AM
I think my favorite thing about the Internet is that something as simple as putting a chain on your saddle can work people up into Ignatius P. Reilly levels of indignation and disgust. Hey, we all know there's no defense against an expertly-wielded screwdriver. In the right hands, a screwdriver is all it takes to steal a luxury automobile, hijack a commercial airliner, or become a prison kingpin. Still, which is the sillier illusion? That the chain is going to keep someone from stealing my saddle, or that someone would even want the filthy thing enough to bother? Here it is in all its worn, ass sweat-stained glory:
Perhaps I take too favorable a view of humanity, but I'm fairly confident that, between the sorry condition of this lump and the added inconvenience of having to pry open a chain to get it, 99.9% of the population is going to pass this by--though I admit that, together with the brand-name seatpost, it could present a temptation too difficult to resist:
Actually, you don't even need to undo the chain to get the seatpost. Technically. But yeah, I think it's enough to keep people honest, and if someone really wants this crappy frumunda perch that badly they can go ahead and take it. I've got boxes of this shit at home. (Though I'd be annoyed if they took the seatpost clamp too. That's crossing the line.)
As for the bit about "hipsters," if this is some sort of new hipster affectation that's news to me. I've never seen a "hipster" use the chain trick, and in fact I don't think there are even any hipsters left in New York. They all seem to have either graduated to full-fledged yuppies, or else they've been priced out by their peers and forced to move to other, less competitive cities. Meanwhile, I don't even know if they've come up with a name for the latest wave of young white transplant aspirants yet. They're definitely not the hipsters of ten years ago. I think they're "normcore" or something. Who even knows at this point? At any rate, I can assure you none of them are chaining their saddles to their bikes. In fact, I'm pretty sure the normcore set is into Halfbikes now:
Speaking of the Halfbike, a commenter on the post in which I mentioned it shared the following:
I actually forwarded that to the "inventors" of the Halfbike, and I have yet to receive a reply.
Speaking of emails, here's one I got just a few minutes ago:
Hello,
We are interested in advertising on your websites. We just launched a
new product called
No Bush Lotion. You can see it at
http://www.kingsupplements.com/nobush.html.
The product helps reduce the appearance of body hair and is marketed
towards athletes of all kind. If you would like to make more money with
your blog please contact me and we can work out a deal.
Intrigued, I followed the link, and thus entered the strange world of pubic hair minimizer cream for men:
I'll have you know that I have received no remuneration from No Bush. In fact, I haven't even replied to the email. Hey, I'm the kind of sucker who chains his saddle to his bike, right? Similarly, if it involves both cycling and pubes, you can be fairly sure I'm going to mention it for free.
By the way, No Bush Lotion was not tested on bunny rabbits, nor did any of the bunny rabbits it wasn't tested on develop any malignant tumors. (At least, I'm assuming that's the case, since it doesn't say otherwise on the No Bush website.) So you can stop with your spurious accusations.
As for what's actually in No Bush, I have no idea, but it would be pretty hilarious if it triggered positive results in doping tests:
Speaking of hairless pubic mounds, meet the Aeroclam!
My favorite is the part where the disembodied hands are gently working the clam:
Though I also liked the part where the same disembodied hands fumble with the droopy, frayed saddlebag:
Wow. That's a lot of crotch-fondling innuendo, even for a video made by New Zealanders.
Anyway, as a wise man once said, you can have a droopy, frayed bag, or you can have a smooth clam, but you can't have both.
And either way, be careful running your chain through it.
Anonymous said...
Only hipsters believe in those bike chain seat leashes. A 2$ flathead screwdriver and one good torque = bye bye saddle&post and silly illusions. Ppl and their bullshit they believe
March 26, 2014 at 2:13 AM
I think my favorite thing about the Internet is that something as simple as putting a chain on your saddle can work people up into Ignatius P. Reilly levels of indignation and disgust. Hey, we all know there's no defense against an expertly-wielded screwdriver. In the right hands, a screwdriver is all it takes to steal a luxury automobile, hijack a commercial airliner, or become a prison kingpin. Still, which is the sillier illusion? That the chain is going to keep someone from stealing my saddle, or that someone would even want the filthy thing enough to bother? Here it is in all its worn, ass sweat-stained glory:
(This is what backpacks do to saddle noses, and what a hot crotch does to leather and foam.)
Perhaps I take too favorable a view of humanity, but I'm fairly confident that, between the sorry condition of this lump and the added inconvenience of having to pry open a chain to get it, 99.9% of the population is going to pass this by--though I admit that, together with the brand-name seatpost, it could present a temptation too difficult to resist:
("Wait, is that a Nashbar seatpost? Fetch me the angle grinder!")
Actually, you don't even need to undo the chain to get the seatpost. Technically. But yeah, I think it's enough to keep people honest, and if someone really wants this crappy frumunda perch that badly they can go ahead and take it. I've got boxes of this shit at home. (Though I'd be annoyed if they took the seatpost clamp too. That's crossing the line.)
As for the bit about "hipsters," if this is some sort of new hipster affectation that's news to me. I've never seen a "hipster" use the chain trick, and in fact I don't think there are even any hipsters left in New York. They all seem to have either graduated to full-fledged yuppies, or else they've been priced out by their peers and forced to move to other, less competitive cities. Meanwhile, I don't even know if they've come up with a name for the latest wave of young white transplant aspirants yet. They're definitely not the hipsters of ten years ago. I think they're "normcore" or something. Who even knows at this point? At any rate, I can assure you none of them are chaining their saddles to their bikes. In fact, I'm pretty sure the normcore set is into Halfbikes now:
(Idiot.)
Speaking of the Halfbike, a commenter on the post in which I mentioned it shared the following:
I actually forwarded that to the "inventors" of the Halfbike, and I have yet to receive a reply.
Speaking of emails, here's one I got just a few minutes ago:
Hello,
We are interested in advertising on your websites. We just launched a
new product called
No Bush Lotion. You can see it at
http://www.kingsupplements.com/nobush.html.
The product helps reduce the appearance of body hair and is marketed
towards athletes of all kind. If you would like to make more money with
your blog please contact me and we can work out a deal.
Intrigued, I followed the link, and thus entered the strange world of pubic hair minimizer cream for men:
I'll have you know that I have received no remuneration from No Bush. In fact, I haven't even replied to the email. Hey, I'm the kind of sucker who chains his saddle to his bike, right? Similarly, if it involves both cycling and pubes, you can be fairly sure I'm going to mention it for free.
By the way, No Bush Lotion was not tested on bunny rabbits, nor did any of the bunny rabbits it wasn't tested on develop any malignant tumors. (At least, I'm assuming that's the case, since it doesn't say otherwise on the No Bush website.) So you can stop with your spurious accusations.
(What a bunny rabbit would look like if it was treated with No Bush, which it wasn't, at least as far as I know.)
As for what's actually in No Bush, I have no idea, but it would be pretty hilarious if it triggered positive results in doping tests:
("It was either tainted meat or my bush-zorching cream, take your pick.")
Speaking of hairless pubic mounds, meet the Aeroclam!
My favorite is the part where the disembodied hands are gently working the clam:
Though I also liked the part where the same disembodied hands fumble with the droopy, frayed saddlebag:
Wow. That's a lot of crotch-fondling innuendo, even for a video made by New Zealanders.
Anyway, as a wise man once said, you can have a droopy, frayed bag, or you can have a smooth clam, but you can't have both.
And either way, be careful running your chain through it.
Crustless Broccoli and Cheddar Quiche
I love quiche, but I rarely eat it because the crust can be such a gut bomb. But! Kathy Brennan and Caroline Campion, authors of the wonderful cookbook KEEPERS, have an amazing recipe for a crustless quiche. It's healthy and delicious. Here's how to make it...Read More >
Selasa, 25 Maret 2014
New York City apartment tour
My friend Yen, an architect, lives with her husband and two kids in a gorgeous apartment in downtown Manhattan. We went to their place for brunch last fall, and our eyes popped when we walked in. (How great is that rainbow bookcase?!) Here's a peek inside...Read More >
Design This: Cool People To The Rescue!
I got a press release, and if I got a press release you know it's important. Also, it involves both Portland and Levi's, so you know, like, holy shit. Here's what it said:
5 TEAMS. 5 CITIES. THE ULTIMATE URBAN UTILITY BIKE.
Announcing Oregon Manifest 14: The Bike Design Project. In our boldest configuration yet, we've partnered five high-level design firms with American bicycle craftsmen in collaborative teams - one in each of five cycling-centric cities - all competing to create the next urban bike. Working together from ideation through production, these teams are fiercely determined to develop their vision of the Ultimate Urban Utility Bike.
Once the five bike designs are revealed to the public on July 25 at a celebration event in each city, it will be YOU, our online audience, who chooses the winning bike!
We don't stop there. For the first time, the winning bike will move forward into production through our manufacturing partner, Fuji BIkes. The Oregon Manifest bike will be available and ready to ride in the city!
Learn more and meet our teams at oregonmanifest.com.
In other words, what they've done here is picked five "cool" cities and invited five "cool" bikey/designy cliques in each one to come up with a "cool" bike for riding to "cool" places within those cities in a great big Levi's marketing circle jerk.
As an aging parent who is currently obsessing over male osteoporosis, I can no longer distinguish among "cool" people or neighborhoods, and they all sort of ooze together in an indistinguishable, bearded mass. For example, here's the San Francisco team:
Or maybe it's the Portland team. I don't know. Or is it the New York team?
No, this is the New York team...or is it?
And if it is, who the hell are these people?
No, wait, I think those are the same people as in the first picture. There are so many caps and cropped, vaguely militaristic jackets that it's hard to tell.
Honestly, the only team I could identify right off the bat was the Seattle team:
Their bike will be a time machine that will take you straight back to 1992.
As for the quest to design the "Ultimate Urban Utility Bike," they're all wasting their time, because I built that a few weeks ago in my basement. It's called the "Son of Scat," and it is the culmination of a lifetime of cycling experience, from the BMX racing, to bike couriering, to the lofty reaches of mid-category Fred-dom:
In fact, the only one of their arbitrary criteria it doesn't fit is that it doesn't have a "Free-standing Under Load System," but those are for "woosies." (Just kidding, I badly need a center stand for my Big Dummy.)
Let's run through their cutesy little checklist and see how Son of Scat measures up:
Mandatory Features
Without exception, all entry bikes must possess the following useful features:
Anti-Theft System: System should prove to be secure and easy to use.
Yeah, I got that. It's called a U-lock (or three) and some "street smartz" (in graffiti font). Also, look at how the fucked-up saddle nobody would want anyway is chained to the frame with an actual bicycle chain through an old inner tube. Suck on that, "woosies."
Lighting System: System should aid rider vision and provide high visibility on the road.
Uh-huh, got that too. Thanks to Knog, I got more lumens than the lighting district. (Assuming the old lighting district hasn't been totally replaced by luxury condos, which it probably has.) By the way, if you need bike lights to see where you're going, you don't live in a real city, so in actuality any bike with such a "system" should be disqualified.
Load-Carrying System: Entries should be able to carry a variety of loads through a variety
of conditions. System should accommodate a typical user load, such as a bag of groceries, commuter or gym bag, etc.
Oh, my bike can take my load. I got a rack, I got bags, I got handlebars, and if there's really a lot of shit to carry, I've got a dental plan, because I'll carry a bag of takeout in my teeth like a golden retriever with a dead duck if I have to. I don't have a "gym bag" though, because gym bags are for "woosies." This is how I work out:*
*[Disclaimer: that is not how I work out.]
I bet John Joseph doesn't worry about male osteoporosis.
Free-standing Under Load System: Bike must free-stand under a variety of loads on a variety of surfaces.
Heh, heh. The bike has to stand up while taking a "variety of loads." [Insert your bukkake reference here.]
Fender System: Fender system must keep bike and rider clean.
I have a fender system. It's called "fenders." Amazing.
Road-tested: Bike should be road-ready and tested. The team-produced video should
include brief footage of the bike in motion on the road (including hills), carrying a load and in use during typical real-world scenarios.
Road-tested? I got your road-tested. That bike's been everywhere. It's been locked to every pole in New York. In a prior incarnation, it's even been raced at the SSCXWC in Portland. Lou Reed once borrowed it for four weeks. (That's a lie.) You think Fuji Bikes can market an "urban utility bike" with that kind of street cred? Because I don't--though this one came close:
It folds and it's a "collabo" with cigarettes. Actually, I bet if one of those teams submitted exactly that bike they'd walk away with the grand prize.
The point is, true city bikes aren't contrived by designsters. They're born of the parts bin and refined on the commute. Odds are the winning Oregon Manifest bike will be called The Gentrification Machine. It will have some sort of integrated lock you'd never want, custom racks that allow the rider to use the word "porteur" a lot, a fancy paint job, and a smartphone holder so you can run that app that alerts you when a landlord finally succeeds in harassing a rent-controlled tenant out of an apartment:
Then all you have to do is find a bike rack that's compatible with your integrated lock, park your "porteur," and fork over that $3,500 security deposit.
Speaking of gentrification, remember how David Byrne (who does not own a car) threatened to move out of New York City because the latest wave of rich people aren't cool enough? Well, now he's going to blow up the Internet with radioactive paintballs and start a new one:
So… imagine that a hypothetical group of disillusioned citizens obtains access to the same nodes – let's say it's an inside job by some building employees – but instead of tapping the nodes, as the NSA did, they break them. And to avoid any possibility of repair, they detonate a small timed radioactive paintball after they leave. No one gets hurt, but the radioactive splatter creates a no-go zone. As a result, no one can fix the fiber optics or even get near them for, let's say, 100 years. The city outside, and even the rest of the building, might remain safe, but don't go near that room on the 20th floor!
Hey, I'm just as creeped out by all this NSA spying as anybody, but David Byrne has more reason to be upset than most, since they carefully monitored him while he put together his most recent musical project:
Sorry, Dave, I had to do it:
I'm oddly fascinated with David Byrne since he's sort of the embodiment of "right message, wrong messenger." He doesn't own a car, but he can hire one whenever he wants. He thinks Manhattan sucks now, but he can sell his loft for a mint whenever he wants and move anyplace in the world. He's freaked out about being watched on the Internet, yet he has a blog and a strong online presence, which he totally doesn't need because his success predates all of that in the first place.
But yes, he makes important points--about cars, gentrification, and spying--though I'd be afraid to use David Byrne's new Surveillance-Free Internet, since it would probably be taken over by pedophiles in short order:
Sex offenders are why we can't have nice things.
Lastly, recently somebody Tweeted this at me:
Hey, whatever works.
5 TEAMS. 5 CITIES. THE ULTIMATE URBAN UTILITY BIKE.
Announcing Oregon Manifest 14: The Bike Design Project. In our boldest configuration yet, we've partnered five high-level design firms with American bicycle craftsmen in collaborative teams - one in each of five cycling-centric cities - all competing to create the next urban bike. Working together from ideation through production, these teams are fiercely determined to develop their vision of the Ultimate Urban Utility Bike.
Once the five bike designs are revealed to the public on July 25 at a celebration event in each city, it will be YOU, our online audience, who chooses the winning bike!
We don't stop there. For the first time, the winning bike will move forward into production through our manufacturing partner, Fuji BIkes. The Oregon Manifest bike will be available and ready to ride in the city!
Learn more and meet our teams at oregonmanifest.com.
In other words, what they've done here is picked five "cool" cities and invited five "cool" bikey/designy cliques in each one to come up with a "cool" bike for riding to "cool" places within those cities in a great big Levi's marketing circle jerk.
As an aging parent who is currently obsessing over male osteoporosis, I can no longer distinguish among "cool" people or neighborhoods, and they all sort of ooze together in an indistinguishable, bearded mass. For example, here's the San Francisco team:
Or maybe it's the Portland team. I don't know. Or is it the New York team?
No, this is the New York team...or is it?
And if it is, who the hell are these people?
Honestly, the only team I could identify right off the bat was the Seattle team:
Their bike will be a time machine that will take you straight back to 1992.
As for the quest to design the "Ultimate Urban Utility Bike," they're all wasting their time, because I built that a few weeks ago in my basement. It's called the "Son of Scat," and it is the culmination of a lifetime of cycling experience, from the BMX racing, to bike couriering, to the lofty reaches of mid-category Fred-dom:
In fact, the only one of their arbitrary criteria it doesn't fit is that it doesn't have a "Free-standing Under Load System," but those are for "woosies." (Just kidding, I badly need a center stand for my Big Dummy.)
Let's run through their cutesy little checklist and see how Son of Scat measures up:
Mandatory Features
Without exception, all entry bikes must possess the following useful features:
Anti-Theft System: System should prove to be secure and easy to use.
Yeah, I got that. It's called a U-lock (or three) and some "street smartz" (in graffiti font). Also, look at how the fucked-up saddle nobody would want anyway is chained to the frame with an actual bicycle chain through an old inner tube. Suck on that, "woosies."
Lighting System: System should aid rider vision and provide high visibility on the road.
Uh-huh, got that too. Thanks to Knog, I got more lumens than the lighting district. (Assuming the old lighting district hasn't been totally replaced by luxury condos, which it probably has.) By the way, if you need bike lights to see where you're going, you don't live in a real city, so in actuality any bike with such a "system" should be disqualified.
Load-Carrying System: Entries should be able to carry a variety of loads through a variety
of conditions. System should accommodate a typical user load, such as a bag of groceries, commuter or gym bag, etc.
Oh, my bike can take my load. I got a rack, I got bags, I got handlebars, and if there's really a lot of shit to carry, I've got a dental plan, because I'll carry a bag of takeout in my teeth like a golden retriever with a dead duck if I have to. I don't have a "gym bag" though, because gym bags are for "woosies." This is how I work out:*
*[Disclaimer: that is not how I work out.]
I bet John Joseph doesn't worry about male osteoporosis.
Free-standing Under Load System: Bike must free-stand under a variety of loads on a variety of surfaces.
Heh, heh. The bike has to stand up while taking a "variety of loads." [Insert your bukkake reference here.]
Fender System: Fender system must keep bike and rider clean.
I have a fender system. It's called "fenders." Amazing.
Road-tested: Bike should be road-ready and tested. The team-produced video should
include brief footage of the bike in motion on the road (including hills), carrying a load and in use during typical real-world scenarios.
Road-tested? I got your road-tested. That bike's been everywhere. It's been locked to every pole in New York. In a prior incarnation, it's even been raced at the SSCXWC in Portland. Lou Reed once borrowed it for four weeks. (That's a lie.) You think Fuji Bikes can market an "urban utility bike" with that kind of street cred? Because I don't--though this one came close:
It folds and it's a "collabo" with cigarettes. Actually, I bet if one of those teams submitted exactly that bike they'd walk away with the grand prize.
The point is, true city bikes aren't contrived by designsters. They're born of the parts bin and refined on the commute. Odds are the winning Oregon Manifest bike will be called The Gentrification Machine. It will have some sort of integrated lock you'd never want, custom racks that allow the rider to use the word "porteur" a lot, a fancy paint job, and a smartphone holder so you can run that app that alerts you when a landlord finally succeeds in harassing a rent-controlled tenant out of an apartment:
Then all you have to do is find a bike rack that's compatible with your integrated lock, park your "porteur," and fork over that $3,500 security deposit.
Speaking of gentrification, remember how David Byrne (who does not own a car) threatened to move out of New York City because the latest wave of rich people aren't cool enough? Well, now he's going to blow up the Internet with radioactive paintballs and start a new one:
So… imagine that a hypothetical group of disillusioned citizens obtains access to the same nodes – let's say it's an inside job by some building employees – but instead of tapping the nodes, as the NSA did, they break them. And to avoid any possibility of repair, they detonate a small timed radioactive paintball after they leave. No one gets hurt, but the radioactive splatter creates a no-go zone. As a result, no one can fix the fiber optics or even get near them for, let's say, 100 years. The city outside, and even the rest of the building, might remain safe, but don't go near that room on the 20th floor!
Hey, I'm just as creeped out by all this NSA spying as anybody, but David Byrne has more reason to be upset than most, since they carefully monitored him while he put together his most recent musical project:
Sorry, Dave, I had to do it:
("Not fucking funny.")
I'm oddly fascinated with David Byrne since he's sort of the embodiment of "right message, wrong messenger." He doesn't own a car, but he can hire one whenever he wants. He thinks Manhattan sucks now, but he can sell his loft for a mint whenever he wants and move anyplace in the world. He's freaked out about being watched on the Internet, yet he has a blog and a strong online presence, which he totally doesn't need because his success predates all of that in the first place.
But yes, he makes important points--about cars, gentrification, and spying--though I'd be afraid to use David Byrne's new Surveillance-Free Internet, since it would probably be taken over by pedophiles in short order:
("Again, not fucking funny.")
Sex offenders are why we can't have nice things.
Lastly, recently somebody Tweeted this at me:
@bikesnobnyc I feel I need to bring this http://t.co/VcgnboJtAG to your attention
— Giles Dring (@gilesdring) March 23, 2014
How to draw freckles
I'm really excited to announce a new series of beauty tutorials, where we'll be playing around with makeup. (Let us know if there's anything in particular you'd like to see!) First up is a playful idea: We wanted to draw freckles on rosy cheeks, as if we had spent the day at the beach or on a picnic with friends, instead of stuck inside on a winter day! My friend Shoko Wanger and makeup artist Ashlee Glazer busted out an eyebrow pencil, and the amazing Jamie Beck took photos. Here's the before-and-after...Read More >
Senin, 24 Maret 2014
Motherhood Mondays: Kids Need to Taste Danger
Have you read Hanna Rosin's Atlantic Magazine article The Overprotected Kid? Her story about growing up really opened my eyes...Read More >
Cycling: The Daintiest Sport
Remember how last Thursday I told you about my quick fix for the little squeaky sound my Brooks Cambium was making? Whelp, you'll be pleased to know that the saddle remained blessedly quiet over the weekend, which officially makes me an engineering genius:
Moreover, sections of my favorite unpaved trail are now dry and firm enough to ride, and it's precisely on such terrain that the Cambium excels, because the rubbery shell helps noticeably in soaking up the bumpies.
In fact, between that rubbery saddle and the touring bike tires, it's almost like I got me a gravel bike. Clearly what Brooks should do is market a gravel-specific version of the Cambium C-17 and call it the Cambium C-17g. The C-17g would be identical to the regular C-17 in every way, except that it would cost 50% more, and I guarantee it would quickly become their biggest seller.
Anyway, what with the quiet bike, the respite from the pavement, and the inevitability of spring, I was feeling pretty good about things, but then I went to download the above photo and randomly came across an image from my last vacation:
Now I'm depressed because it reminded me that, comparatively speaking, where I live totally sucks.
Speaking of depressing, you may be depressed to learn that the only thing cycling does for your bones is break them:
It’s long been known that bike riders are more susceptible to having weaker bones than people who do higher-impact sports like running or basketball. In one study, University of Oklahoma researchers performed bone scans on 32 male road cyclists between the ages of 18 and 45 who trained and raced competitively. They found that almost all the riders had lower bone density compared with a control group; some even had osteopenia, a precursor to osteoporosis, a disease in which bones become brittle and prone to breaking.
I actually never gave the issue of cycling and bone strength much thought until I read Grant Petersen's "Just Ride," which I highly recommend:
Previously, I'd been deluding myself into thinking I was a healthy and fit individual by mere virtue of the fact that I rode a bike. However, as I approached middle age, I began to realize that years of bike racing to the exclusion of pretty much any other form of intense physical activity had basically turned me into a mutant capable of riding a bike for long distances but useless for pretty much everything else, and that being able to ride a hundred miles without breaking a sweat yet unable to run for half a block to catch a bus without developing shin splints or breaking a tibia is far from "being in shape."
Actually, it's perversely satisfying when you think about it, since so much of cycling is built on this whole idea of "suffering" and grizzled Flemish people jackhammering the cobbles and all of that, but in reality it's kind of a "woosie" sport that's less about suffering and more about whining. Consider the imagery of sensual, on-the-bike suffering, cultivated so adeptly by Rapha over the years that it's become a cliché:
Now consider that basically everyone in these grainy black-and-white photos is doing a low-impact sport that will leave them with the bone density of a sparrow by the time they're 50.
Oh, and we take coffee breaks. At cafés. Where we drink cutesy little designer coffee drinks.
Pathetic.
As cyclists, we all think we're doing something special, but the truth is it's just not that hard. I know this because I've been trying to run on occasion, and that is hard. It's pretty humbling when you realize all those doofuses you pass in the park who are running while wearing headphones and belts with tiny water bottles on them are doing something that's harder than the Rapha Gentlemen's Race--and they're doing it in the morning before work. We also love to laugh at triathletes because they can't stay on their bikes, but if you think about it from a Darwinian standpoint they're far better adapted to survival on the planet Earth than actual cyclists. Sure, they do a lot of this, but at least they can run and swim. On the other hand, we can ride for days on end, but we're utterly useless for anything else. So when it comes down to it, which is going to help you more when we're invaded by a foreign power? Triathletes will be running and swimming to safety and launching amphibious assaults, while we're all dicking around trying to figure out which tires to "run," and arguing about whether we should use the fat bike or the gravel bike.
Pathetic.
Anyway, nobody should be surprised that a sport involving wearing "gilets" turns you weak and frail:
bike wipe out rescuer - m4w (willoughby/bedford)
fourish in the afternoon - one moment i was all set, about to head into home depot. next minute i was bouncing off the ground and into a parked car. have no idea why - maybe as you said a gust, or maybe something mechanical? who knows, but it must have been interesting to watch! nothing busted, just winded and dazed and thankful for helmet sense. but you were right there in a flash to get me back upright with help & concern. for that, i thank you. for reminding me that humanity tends to be uplifting more often than not, thank you also.
He must have caught the vapors.
Moreover, sections of my favorite unpaved trail are now dry and firm enough to ride, and it's precisely on such terrain that the Cambium excels, because the rubbery shell helps noticeably in soaking up the bumpies.
In fact, between that rubbery saddle and the touring bike tires, it's almost like I got me a gravel bike. Clearly what Brooks should do is market a gravel-specific version of the Cambium C-17 and call it the Cambium C-17g. The C-17g would be identical to the regular C-17 in every way, except that it would cost 50% more, and I guarantee it would quickly become their biggest seller.
Anyway, what with the quiet bike, the respite from the pavement, and the inevitability of spring, I was feeling pretty good about things, but then I went to download the above photo and randomly came across an image from my last vacation:
Now I'm depressed because it reminded me that, comparatively speaking, where I live totally sucks.
Speaking of depressing, you may be depressed to learn that the only thing cycling does for your bones is break them:
It’s long been known that bike riders are more susceptible to having weaker bones than people who do higher-impact sports like running or basketball. In one study, University of Oklahoma researchers performed bone scans on 32 male road cyclists between the ages of 18 and 45 who trained and raced competitively. They found that almost all the riders had lower bone density compared with a control group; some even had osteopenia, a precursor to osteoporosis, a disease in which bones become brittle and prone to breaking.
I actually never gave the issue of cycling and bone strength much thought until I read Grant Petersen's "Just Ride," which I highly recommend:
Previously, I'd been deluding myself into thinking I was a healthy and fit individual by mere virtue of the fact that I rode a bike. However, as I approached middle age, I began to realize that years of bike racing to the exclusion of pretty much any other form of intense physical activity had basically turned me into a mutant capable of riding a bike for long distances but useless for pretty much everything else, and that being able to ride a hundred miles without breaking a sweat yet unable to run for half a block to catch a bus without developing shin splints or breaking a tibia is far from "being in shape."
Actually, it's perversely satisfying when you think about it, since so much of cycling is built on this whole idea of "suffering" and grizzled Flemish people jackhammering the cobbles and all of that, but in reality it's kind of a "woosie" sport that's less about suffering and more about whining. Consider the imagery of sensual, on-the-bike suffering, cultivated so adeptly by Rapha over the years that it's become a cliché:
Now consider that basically everyone in these grainy black-and-white photos is doing a low-impact sport that will leave them with the bone density of a sparrow by the time they're 50.
Oh, and we take coffee breaks. At cafés. Where we drink cutesy little designer coffee drinks.
Pathetic.
As cyclists, we all think we're doing something special, but the truth is it's just not that hard. I know this because I've been trying to run on occasion, and that is hard. It's pretty humbling when you realize all those doofuses you pass in the park who are running while wearing headphones and belts with tiny water bottles on them are doing something that's harder than the Rapha Gentlemen's Race--and they're doing it in the morning before work. We also love to laugh at triathletes because they can't stay on their bikes, but if you think about it from a Darwinian standpoint they're far better adapted to survival on the planet Earth than actual cyclists. Sure, they do a lot of this, but at least they can run and swim. On the other hand, we can ride for days on end, but we're utterly useless for anything else. So when it comes down to it, which is going to help you more when we're invaded by a foreign power? Triathletes will be running and swimming to safety and launching amphibious assaults, while we're all dicking around trying to figure out which tires to "run," and arguing about whether we should use the fat bike or the gravel bike.
Pathetic.
Anyway, nobody should be surprised that a sport involving wearing "gilets" turns you weak and frail:
(He's wearing a "gilet." That's a French word for a garment that's like a waistcoat or a blouse.)
Probably the only demographic as susceptible to gentle breezes and tiny chills than the roadie is the Southern Belle.
I wonder how long it will be until Rapha "drops" a parasol:
(Cutouts for weight savings.)
I mean, come on--we're so frail that we can't even make it into the Home Depot without getting carried away by a zephyr:
fourish in the afternoon - one moment i was all set, about to head into home depot. next minute i was bouncing off the ground and into a parked car. have no idea why - maybe as you said a gust, or maybe something mechanical? who knows, but it must have been interesting to watch! nothing busted, just winded and dazed and thankful for helmet sense. but you were right there in a flash to get me back upright with help & concern. for that, i thank you. for reminding me that humanity tends to be uplifting more often than not, thank you also.
He must have caught the vapors.
Toby the gourmand
Three-year-old Toby loves food. Loves loves loves. I've never had to worry about a picky eater, thankfully—although I almost worry about him not being picky enough :)
When we put him to bed, he'll often roll over and ask, "What we havin' for dinner tomorrow night?" And yesterday morning, while eating breakfast, he asked, "So what we havin' for brunch?"
And this is a common sight in our house, the little scamp! I showed my friend this photo, and she sent me this clip...That's Toby in 15 years.
P.S. French kids eat everything, a baby-food realization, and how to get your kids to talk at dinner.
P.P.S. "What about elevenses?!" Still laughing :)
Jumat, 21 Maret 2014
BSNYC Gluten-Free Friday Fun Quiz! (Warning: May Contain Gluten)
Well, it had to happen. The vultures are circling over Citi Bike:
The problem? Ironically, it's losing money because it's too popular with the New Yorkers who purchase memberships, and the tourists who everyone thought were going to flock to the system and immediately kill themselves in traffic simply aren't taking up the slack:
One issue is that Citi Bike has proved more popular than expected with annual users who generate comparatively little revenue. Some 99,000 people pay $95 a year plus tax to be able to use the bikes for 45 minutes at a time.
The potential for far greater revenue, however, is with short-term users. Many of those were expected to be tourists, and they haven't used the bikes nearly as much as officials had anticipated, people familiar with the matter said.
I hate when things are more popular than expected.
As for those short-term users, here's a chart illustrating the problem:
Notice that the number of tourists and other occasional users is quite high in the summer months. Then it decreases significantly during the winter, but shows signs of increasing again as the spring approaches. This is a huge shock to everybody, since until now nobody realized that New York City has these things called "seasons."
I mean, sure, scientists have been talking about "season change" for centuries, but it's mostly been dismissed as liberal nonsense.
Anyway, I expect another Wall Street Journal article sometime in June about the miraculous rebound in Citi Bike ridership.
The other problem is that the bikes wind up all clumped in certain areas and all sparse in others, like the contents of the six month old carton of soy milk in the back of your fridge:
Operational difficulties have also troubled Citi Bike. The task of moving bikes to respond to the patterns of commuters—those who grab a bike in the West Village to Midtown in the morning but may not ride it home at night—has been more cumbersome than expected in New York City traffic. That has raised costs.
I gotta say that is indeed a problem, and it's the reason I've pretty much stopped using the system--I've had too many experiences where I either couldn't find a bike, or I couldn't dock it, or both, and ultimately wound up spending more time than I would have if I'd simply walked. Of course, just as everyone was surprised by the existence of four seasons, they were apparently similarly surprised that New York City has a shitload of traffic, and that spreading Citi Bikes around in huge vans during rush hour is a gigantic inefficient pain in the ass.
Fortunately, there's an easy solution to that, and if Citi Bike wants to pay me to ride the bikes all over the city to the stations where they're needed I'd be more than happy to take the job.
But that's not going to happen, since there's no money for it:
New York's bike-share program is unique among large U.S. cities because it is designed to operate without public dollars, experts said. Programs in Chicago, Boston, Washington, Houston and San Francisco either use local or federal money or both, according to Corinne Kisner, a program manager at the National Association of City Transportation Officials.
Citi Bike's revenues come from corporate sponsorships, advertising and membership and usage fees.
Basically, every other form of transport--including all these ferry boats nobody uses (obviously I don't mean the Staten Island ferry, since shitloads of people use that)--gets some kind of subsidy. I don't expect that to happen with bikes, though, since the average person hates bikes and all the wear and tear on the infrastructure they don't cause. Still, I'm not sure I'd want Citi Bike to be publicly funded, since it would make it that much more difficult to play the smugness card in arguments.
Ultimately, I wouldn't be surprised to see the whole thing slowly die on the vine, which would be a shame, since even though I don't really use it a lot of people do, it has huge potential, and it's already had a positive effect on New York City cycling in general.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll get a million points, and if you're wrong you'll see how it's done.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and safe reading.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
1) What is this?
--A cog flosser
--A fine-tooth hacksaw for delicate crabon components
--A bow and arrow set for bike/archery biathlons
--The folk instrument known as a "Jew's harp"
2) Yeah, well, somebody attempted it anyway.
--True
--False
3) What is this?
--A bell you activate with your brake lever
--A sensor for a rear brake light
--A trigger for an oil slick
--Disembodied hand modeling extremely poorly thought-out bell placement
4) Looks like somebody wrapped a Fuji in duct tape.
--True
--False
5) The Halfbike:
--"Combines running and cycling"
--"Is a real conversation starter and stands out from the crowd"
--Is designed by architects, which is more proof that architects need to stay the fuck away from bicycles
--All of the above
6) Mario Cipollini won Milan-San Remo in what year?
--1999
--2002
--2004
--Mario Cipollini has never won Milan-San Remo
7) Really?
--Yes
--No
The problem? Ironically, it's losing money because it's too popular with the New Yorkers who purchase memberships, and the tourists who everyone thought were going to flock to the system and immediately kill themselves in traffic simply aren't taking up the slack:
One issue is that Citi Bike has proved more popular than expected with annual users who generate comparatively little revenue. Some 99,000 people pay $95 a year plus tax to be able to use the bikes for 45 minutes at a time.
The potential for far greater revenue, however, is with short-term users. Many of those were expected to be tourists, and they haven't used the bikes nearly as much as officials had anticipated, people familiar with the matter said.
I hate when things are more popular than expected.
As for those short-term users, here's a chart illustrating the problem:
Notice that the number of tourists and other occasional users is quite high in the summer months. Then it decreases significantly during the winter, but shows signs of increasing again as the spring approaches. This is a huge shock to everybody, since until now nobody realized that New York City has these things called "seasons."
I mean, sure, scientists have been talking about "season change" for centuries, but it's mostly been dismissed as liberal nonsense.
Anyway, I expect another Wall Street Journal article sometime in June about the miraculous rebound in Citi Bike ridership.
The other problem is that the bikes wind up all clumped in certain areas and all sparse in others, like the contents of the six month old carton of soy milk in the back of your fridge:
Operational difficulties have also troubled Citi Bike. The task of moving bikes to respond to the patterns of commuters—those who grab a bike in the West Village to Midtown in the morning but may not ride it home at night—has been more cumbersome than expected in New York City traffic. That has raised costs.
I gotta say that is indeed a problem, and it's the reason I've pretty much stopped using the system--I've had too many experiences where I either couldn't find a bike, or I couldn't dock it, or both, and ultimately wound up spending more time than I would have if I'd simply walked. Of course, just as everyone was surprised by the existence of four seasons, they were apparently similarly surprised that New York City has a shitload of traffic, and that spreading Citi Bikes around in huge vans during rush hour is a gigantic inefficient pain in the ass.
Fortunately, there's an easy solution to that, and if Citi Bike wants to pay me to ride the bikes all over the city to the stations where they're needed I'd be more than happy to take the job.
But that's not going to happen, since there's no money for it:
New York's bike-share program is unique among large U.S. cities because it is designed to operate without public dollars, experts said. Programs in Chicago, Boston, Washington, Houston and San Francisco either use local or federal money or both, according to Corinne Kisner, a program manager at the National Association of City Transportation Officials.
Citi Bike's revenues come from corporate sponsorships, advertising and membership and usage fees.
Basically, every other form of transport--including all these ferry boats nobody uses (obviously I don't mean the Staten Island ferry, since shitloads of people use that)--gets some kind of subsidy. I don't expect that to happen with bikes, though, since the average person hates bikes and all the wear and tear on the infrastructure they don't cause. Still, I'm not sure I'd want Citi Bike to be publicly funded, since it would make it that much more difficult to play the smugness card in arguments.
Ultimately, I wouldn't be surprised to see the whole thing slowly die on the vine, which would be a shame, since even though I don't really use it a lot of people do, it has huge potential, and it's already had a positive effect on New York City cycling in general.
And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right you'll get a million points, and if you're wrong you'll see how it's done.
Thanks very much for reading, ride safe, and safe reading.
--Wildcat Rock Machine
--A cog flosser
--A fine-tooth hacksaw for delicate crabon components
--A bow and arrow set for bike/archery biathlons
--The folk instrument known as a "Jew's harp"
(From that stupid car commercial..)
2) Yeah, well, somebody attempted it anyway.
--True
--False
--A bell you activate with your brake lever
--A sensor for a rear brake light
--A trigger for an oil slick
--Disembodied hand modeling extremely poorly thought-out bell placement
4) Looks like somebody wrapped a Fuji in duct tape.
--True
--False
--"Combines running and cycling"
--"Is a real conversation starter and stands out from the crowd"
--Is designed by architects, which is more proof that architects need to stay the fuck away from bicycles
--All of the above
("This one will do nicely.")
6) Mario Cipollini won Milan-San Remo in what year?
--1999
--2002
--2004
--Mario Cipollini has never won Milan-San Remo
(Via a reader. Thank you, reader!)
7) Really?
--Yes
--No
***Special Science-Themed Bonus Video!***
Have a relaxing weekend.
What are you up to this weekend? We are planning to take as many naps as possible, since eight-month-old Anton is currently teething and has been waking up around the clock. We're all zombies. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few fun links from around the web...Wheel of Fortune magic!
Daydreaming about summer...
Can you guess these foods?
The most awkward things that ever happened. (Number 8 made me laugh out loud.)
Why Generation Y is unhappy.
Toby and I have been playing these quizzes, and he loves them.
Pretty napkins.
Every woman in NYC seems to be wearing these shoes without socks.
Broccoli casserole.
This computer-generated Audrey Hepburn is pretty impressive.
This makes me want to do yoga.
A South African family album.
Beer-flavored jelly beans.
Amazing parents' perfect lip-sync to the Frozen song.
Surprise! You can walk on eggshells!
Have a good one. xoxo.
(Photo from Kinfolk)
Kamis, 20 Maret 2014
Spring wardrobe
Just a head's up: J.Crew is offering 25% off with the code HEYSPRING.J.Crew can sometimes be a little preppy for my taste, but their new spring collection has such a great tomboy feel. I have my eye on these shoes, this shirt and especially those super cool pink aviators. (You'd literally see the world through rose-colored glasses—would be really lovely!) They're the kind of easy pieces you'd end up wearing every day. xo
P.S. They also have great swimsuits.
The first day of spring!
Spring began at 12:57pm today, which means we officially survived the winter!!! Get psyched for warm evenings and daffodils at Trader Joe's. To celebrate, here are beautiful photos of sunrises and sunsets by Eric Cahan (see more here, if you'd like).
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